Updated: Nov 6, 2018
Is honesty always a good thing? What about relationships - is it really advisable to always be honest with our partners?
There are a fair few people who would answer yes to both of these questions. Take Dr Brad Blanton, in his book Radical Honesty he asserts that lying is the primary source of human stress and that being direct and honest with each other opens the doorway to intimacy and enlightenment. Take a moment to reflect on how your life and relationships would change if you were absolutely radically honest all of the time? Pretty challenging stuff, especially for the British who are famously controlled in what they say! I however personally think Dr Blanton is onto something here. I have discovered in my own life that the honesty is a vitally important foundation of a conscious and authentic life
However when it comes to being honesty with others there are 4 important caveats – that you ignore at your peril!
The first is to speak from your mature adult self - not your emotionally regressed self. Before you speak ask yourself ‘how old do I feel right now?’ If you feel less than your chronological age, drop your attention into the lower part of your belly – a few inches below your belly button (this is called the hara), imagine breathing in and out of here and as you do so say silently to yourself ‘I am the mature adult self’ – notice the shift that takes place.
The second is to check in with your intentions before you speak – ask “am I trying to hurt, control, demean or be superior to this person or am I speaking my heartfelt truth” Only speak if it’s the latter
The third is to think of the consequences of what you are about to say - is what I am about to say for the higher good. If it is great go ahead
The fourth is to speak respectfully – speak to them as you would want to be spoken to.
Ok – all of this is of course easier said than done – and I do continue to struggle at times, but it can transform and enrich your relationships in ways you would not imagine was possible.